“To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.”
— Walter Mitty
This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates. -written by this website and I liked it so I´ll leave it here. – Esti
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.[c]
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see what the Lord has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields[d] with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.
COLOSSIANS 2:5
COPYRIGHT © 2017
D O U G L A S M C K E LV E Y
You created our hearts for unbroken fellowship.
Yet the constraints of time and place, and the
stuttering rhythms of life in a fallen world
dictate that all fellowships in these days
will at times be broken or incomplete.
And so we find ourselves in this season,
bearing the sorrow of our separation from
_.
We acknowledge, O Lord, that it is
a right and a good thing to miss deeply
those whom we love but with whom
we cannot be physically present.
Grant us, therefore, courage to love well
even in this time of absence.
Grant us courage to shrink neither from
the aches nor from the joys that love brings,
for each, willingly received, will accomplish
the good works you have appointed them to do.
Therefore we praise you even for our sadness,
knowing that the sorrows we steward in this life
will in time be redeemed.
We praise you also knowing that these glad aches
are a true measure of the bonds
you have wrought between our hearts.
Now use our sorrows as tools in your hand,
O Lord, shaping our hearts into a truer
imitation of the affections of Christ.
Use even this sadness to carve out spaces
in our souls where still greater repositories of holy affection might be held,
unto the end that we might better love, in times of absence and in times of
presence alike.
We now entrust all to your keeping.
May our reunion be joyous, whether in this life
or in the life to come.
How we look forward, O Lord, to the day
when all our fellowships will be restored,
eternal and unbroken.
Amen
A Liturgy For Those Flooded By Too Much Information
The voice of the Lord is over the waters;
the God of glory thunders,
the Lord thunders over the mighty waters.
The voice of the Lord is powerful;
the voice of the Lord is majestic.
PSALM 29:3–4
COPYRIGHT © 2017
D O U G L A S M C K E LV E Y
In a world so wired and interconnected,
our anxious hearts are pummeled by
an endless barrage of troubling news.
We are daily aware of more grief, O Lord,
than we can rightly consider,
of more suffering and scandal
than we can respond to, of more
hostility, hatred, horror, and injustice
than we can engage with compassion.
But you, O Jesus, are not disquieted
by such news of cruelty and terror and war.
You are neither anxious nor overwhelmed.
You carried the full weight of the suffering
of a broken world when you hung upon
the cross, and you carry it still.
When the cacophony of universal distress
unsettles us, remind us that we are but small
and finite creatures, never designed to carry
the vast abstractions of great burdens,
for our arms are too short and our strength
is too small. Justice and mercy, healing and
redemption, are your great labors.
And yes, it is your good pleasure to accomplish
such works through your people,
but you have never asked any one of us
to undertake more than your grace
will enable us to fulfill.
Guard us then from shutting down our empathy
or walling off our hearts because of the glut of
unactionable misery that floods our awareness.
You have many children in many places
around this globe. Move each of our hearts
to compassionately respond to those needs
that intersect our actual lives, that in all places
your body might be actively addressing
the pain and brokenness of this world,
each of us liberated and empowered by
your Spirit to fulfill the small part
of your redemptive work assigned to us.
Give us discernment
in the face of troubling news reports.
Give us discernment
to know when to pray,
when to speak out,
when to act,
and when to simply
shut off our screens
and our devices,
and to sit quietly
in your presence,
casting the burdens of this world
upon the strong shoulders
of the one who
alone
is able to bear them up.
Amen
Glory to God
Leonard Cohen explained: “Hallelujah is a Hebrew word which means ‘Glory to the Lord.’ The song explains that many kinds of Hallelujahs do exist. I say: All the perfect and broken Hallelujahs have an equal value. It’s a desire to affirm my faith in life, not in some formal religious way but with enthusiasm, with emotion.”
For me, this was a praise to affirm my faith in God. A God who loves us no matter what. Who wants us to recognize that in our brokenness and our despicable and sad sinful life, we are able to find redemption in Jesus Christ.
There is a lot to be hurting for, praying for, crying about, in pain for, in this world. Someone once told me that just because someone else is suffering doesn´t mean that you are not suffering. You can be sad too. You can lament. Well, I did this. I´ve avoided negative emotions all my life. I see the cup half full all the time. Life is a beautiful adventure. However, while I was able to empathize with the pain of others every time, when something was sad or hurting in my life, I had a defense mechanism to shut out these emotions in my life and to numb it. To distract myself. But this past week, I took time to feel these emotions, and they hurt. They really made me sad and deeply mourn and grieve, but God comforted me, and it really brought out a Hallelujah from my lips. God is not just glorified in the good times, but also when I am in deep pain, when I don´t understand, when I am sad. He is still glorified. Glory to the Lord.
I usually don´t sing in front of people, but I have enjoyed singing during this time of quarantine.
I learned how to play the guitar a little bit more! I have also learned to embrace my voice and just sing my soul out for God. It helped me get through a lot. Through homesickness, depression, body image issues, anxiety, and so much more. I hope this helps others and that you may enjoy music as much as I do.
April 24, 2020
Hi all,
I´m learning to lament and embrace emotions that God has given us the gift of feeling. It´s hard not being home for your dad´s 60th birthday. But I still find joy and comfort in the word of the Lord during these times.
God is good. Since the beginning of the creation of the universe, God is sovereign. He is Creator and He saw what He created and called it good. When He created man and woman, He said that it was very good. Then man and woman fell into sin and I also think they became poor. They used to be rich in love, in their relationship with God, in material things too, in their love for life, for each other, for God. When sin entered their hearts, they became poor. This world became a place of suffering. God looks at our hearts and He examines them. Humans have constantly fallen, then repented, faced consequences with much grace, then found redemption, and this cycle over and over. We are all poor in some way or another. I think it´s the posture of the poor that God sees and shows favor in. Because one can be poor and really go crazy, stress and look for the things of this world to survive. However, I think the poor that God shows favor are those who are stripped of love and vulnerable, and they know their position as the creature before the Creator. James 1:26 says that those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. I can´t even imagine the pain of being abandoned or losing parents, losing a loved partner. God loves His children and He wants to care for us. He sees us in our pain and understands more than anyone else. I think James 2 makes the comparison of the men with rich and filthy clothes so that we can understand what the message is by seeing it from an example we have seen and can relate this to. I don´t think it necessarily means only economically, but I think that during this time, people needed these metaphors to understand the message that was so counter cultural.I don´t think that this necessarily means that economic matters do not matter, because they do. I like to see it this way. You are a parent and you have kids. You love them all so much because they are your children. You would not want one of them to be hurt, to starve, to be without clothing, to be in pain. If one of them was and they came to you in help you would reach out and help with all you could, but if you saw one of your children became rich and proud, your parent´s heart would want to love them both, but differently. God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble James 4:6. I also feel like these scriptures support this, because back then and even now, rich people do use their money in corrupt ways, and this is detestable in everyone´s eyes. Like James mentiones Job, may we be like Job in perseverance that the Lord may have full compassion and mercy on us. 1 Peter also talks about the genuineness of faith being of greater worth than gold. The things of this world are temporary. 1 Peter 1:24, but the word of God endures forever. James 3:2-4 it´s not only refering this to women, but to everyone! That it´s not in the outward adornment, but the heart, the gentle and quiet spirit of which is great worth in God´s sight. This is why Jesus came as a poor baby born in a stable. He suffered the oppression of the poor to show the true value of life. It´s not in the material things or the status of this world, but in our hearts to obey and submit to the Lord in the pain and suffering that we will find in this earth because we are living for God James 4. False teachers in 2 Peter 2 wanted to attract people with prosperity gospels, wanted money, fame. They did not realize the eternal damage they were causing. The poor could find hope and eternal life through the gospel message, and these false prophets were preaching lies! 2 Peter 3 when the day of judgment comes, we won´t show up with our earthly possessions and nobody will care about our fame and status. It´s going to be us, you, me, and Jesus. It´ll just be me, my heart, my life and Him. This is why we should persevere, the poor should persevere like Jude 1 says. We await to stand in the presence of God our Savior through Jesus Christ before all ages, now and forevermore, to stand without fault and great joy.
This is an encouraging message for this time. So many people around the world are suffering right now. People who live in third world countries, people back home in Guatemala, who live day by day and can´t go to work because they fear their lives. Someone told me this week that because there are people who have it worse than us today, it doesn´t mean that we are not suffering. But we also have the calling to follow Jesus, to be more like Him, and may our hearts break for what breaks His. May we serve and love like He did. Right now, there are those who are hurting in their hearts for lost husbands, children, parents. Some of us have lost the opportunity to go home and some have lost their joy and mental health to sadness and depression. Some of us are poor because we don´t see these things in life and we only see ourselves and don´t want to understand beyond that. But I pray that we may all be like the poor that in the midst of true suffering and pain, come to the Father in our vulnerable, real, and broken state, and find the redemption in Christ. The painful joy and genuine hope and salvation in Jesus Christ. May we also see our poor brothers and sisters. The people out there in front lines, the people living in dumpsters even now, those who don´t know how they´ll pay rent. They are all our brothers and sisters in Christ. May we follow true religion, to care for the poor: the widow, orphan, the person next to us suffering. May we keep that posture of humility before God.
April 23, 2020
It´s crazy how one single moment can change things. It only takes one moment to get that smile to form. It takes one moment to change your mind. It takes one moment for you to decide to get back on your feet. This moment, don´t lose it.
This poem describes the days before this moment for me.
BY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
This poem describes the days before this moment for me. Sadness, lack of motivation, sense of lack of motion, uncontrollable emotions, too many thoughts numbed with screen time, addiction to things that provided entertainment, and a mind that did not want to run. It was easier saying that sadness was okay, and maybe this was okay. The bed kept embracing me even more as the hours ticked by and trying to tell myself it was resting, that it was okay. At the same time feeling so yucky and guilty, feeling chased by all the things that I should be doing, all that I still have to do in order to finish well. Forced myself to get up and follow routines that I set up for myself. Play Psalm 136 while I brush my teeth, floss, gargle, wash face, moisturize, stretch, drink a cup of water, and get ready for class. And then I grab my phone and sit on the couch. No, I can´t get back up. I roll off onto the floor, and find my old friend Netflix. Lack of motivation creeps up again and back I am in bed, on the couch, not wanting to do anything. Feeling disgusting, lazy, tired, unproductive.
Finally get up and go pick up a package, put that smile on. It doesn´t matter where the smile is coming from. Trying to cheer others up. As I pick up the package, I bump into friends and people I know. I can handle this, social interactions are my thing. Everyone leaves with a smile in their faces. I´ve brightened up their days. “God bless you!” Walking out with the new product I bought online because I have too much time and my brain is falling into cycles of accepting the advertising and luring of the internet. After grabbing something to eat, again greeting all the workers who have become my friends. Andrew told me to come by more often, Mike told me about his daughters moving back home, meeting friends who also came for food, and walking out of the building singing.
We get back and eat lunch. Then, it´s like we gravitate towards our screens. Feeling as though we are missing out, being deprived of something. Then sadness is being numbed again. I get a call from my family. They´re celebrating my dad´s birthday. I fake a smile and laugh heartily and tell them how thankful I am for them, that I am celebrating with them. That we´ll celebrate together when I get there. Holding back tears with laughs and smiles and kind words, we hang up. Back to the couch.
And then the moment happened.
A call with a friend who I did not expect. This friend was pursuing me. When everyone was letting go, when no one understood how to reach out, when timing did not work for my favor. I´ve had this happen before. Whenever I reach this thing called sadness, numbness, depression, I tend to push people out. I react badly to care. I get too sensitive. I don´t understand. I get too sad.
But this friend pursued me. In those few minutes, this friend spoke life into my life. When the depth of my sorrow was too hard to comprehend, my friend understood. Not diminishing the reality of this but also embracing the overwhelming feelings with arms open, this friend spoke the right words into my life. This friend allowed me to tackle, cry out, curse, be annoying, and be a jerk. Even when I pushed back, affirmed me in who I am, not who I think I am, but who this friend said everyone knows I am. Sacrificial, selfless.
But most of all, this pointed me back to the love of my father. In the sadness, overwhelming life things, excruciating pain, deep sorrow, agony, numbness, confusion, His love is steadfast and it endures forever.
One moment with this friend.
It got me back to my feet.
It got me prancing and pursuing.
One moment.
5/7/2020
4/28/2020
4/23/2020
Esti’s journey