March 24, 2020
“My deepest awareness is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing in order to deserve it.” -Brennan ManningA big, big (virtual) embrace to everyone during these times. A long hug, filled with deep understanding. An Esti hug*. I am so in awe of how God has shown His faithfulness during this time, as He always does, but I am grateful to see it even more clearly now through His people, His scripture (Daniel, Psalms, and Romans), and through small reminders of things He has done and will do. I am happy to say that I have finally settled down (a little chuckle and sigh there). The college has allowed a few students to stay on campus apartments (mostly internationals), so I have warm place to stay hopefully for the remainder of the semester. I even have a little kitchen area! Practice my cooking skills… There is an extra bed, so if anyone needs to crash… Oh, and a couch too! God’s servants have been dropping off food supplies and I have upperclassmen or grad friends who have been checking up on my mental and physical health! It has been a blessing. I brought my Christmas lights with me so it feels like a home, and I am beginning to get used to this. I began my online classes yesterday, and I have wifi from the college which has been such a blessing. When I think of how I worried or vented at the Lord, I can’t help but face palm and recognize how foolish I was. Why do I worry, my God is good. (“I´ll give thanks” by Housefires)I am so, so deeply grateful to everyone who has reached out, prayed for, and been so gracious to speak words of encouragement to me even when I was acting like a little child, so unstable and anxious! How can I every thank you or repay you. I am deeply moved by the generosity that has been shown to me by God’s people from all over the world. Friends in Canada, Czech, different parts of the US, Korea, home, and more have reached out a helping hand. I have repented of so many things throughout this process, and many ugly things have been brought to light and before the Lord. In the midst of the craziness, God has been so good to me, and I really don’t deserve it. SO undeserving of all this love. I don’t know how to put into words how grateful I am. Yes it has been hard, but I have never felt God´s love so strongly through His community. I know that I am here for a reason, and I pray that God uses me here as well to be a witness of His goodness, of the power of the Gospel. People coming together to help a 21 year old, crazy, unqualified, foreign international student, is truly a testimony of the love of God. As I share this, I pray that through this, you are encouraged by my testimony. This is a small snippet of what has been going on in my life.God is speaking to us right now. The whole world is experiencing this together, and it is the perfect time for us to practice some self-reflection, bring it before the Lord, and fix our eyes on Jesus. There are so many people in this world who are suffering, who live in crisis every day. I pray that I can wisely practice self-awareness, but also see others. It´s easy to become selfish and self-focused, but I pray Lord teach me to see others. You love us so deeply and we don´t deserve it. Lord, help me to share this beautiful truth with those who need to hear it most during these times. Also, thank you to everyone who has been reading my updates. Praise God. I love you and may His peace and faithfulness abound in your life as well.
Esti’s journey 